Missing: One young brain. Reward.

Is it extremely vain to get caught up reading one's own blog archives?

I was trying to figure out if I should remove my categories entirely, since they make sense only to me, and only some sense. And then I realized I used to actually write about things, thoughtful things, not just: Homework work blah blah blah.

Strangely, I still read as much as ever, but I don't have the time (or the brainpower) to contemplate what I am reading. Even when I read for enjoyment, I read quickly, trying to leverage as much enjoyment as possible into the crevices of free time I have.

Everything is going too quickly these days. I walk to work quickly, I eat quickly, I quickly and repeatedly put off homework, I quickly try to finish assignments, I quickly assist people at work...you get the idea.

I miss the slow days. Most of the time I am so worn out, I can't slow down to consider it. I just plow ahead, doing whatever I can in the time I have. I do my work, my homework, I make lists for later.

In May I won't be taking any classes, and I already have many projects scheduled. I have many books I want to read. Perhaps I should schedule in some time to slow down.

Is it just life speeding up, like it does for everyone? Have I reached the cusp where the slow, thoughtful life begins to careen downhill, to older age and responsibility and death? I'm not ready for that yet.

Perhaps our recent purchase of a pop-up trailer will help slow things down. I mean, literally. Once we figure out how to haul the thing, our vehicles can only go so fast while it's attached. I am looking forward to next summer, when I'm done with grad school, and we can take off to toodle around the country for a bit.

But is looking forward making the present speed by too fast? I'm not sure. I lost my thoughtfulness and clarity. As my classmates and I are fond of explaining, grad school is eating my brain. I hope I get it back someday.

Comments

[Katie]

1. I don't think aging means losing thoughtfulness and tranquility. Since my Ph.D. exams, I've become much more attentive to when I need breaks, and when I need them, I take them. This semester has been one of the most peaceful, reflective, happy times of my life.

2. "Toodle around the country?" Now that DOES make you sound old! :-D

[Ln]

Me too friend! I feel like live only continues to speed up and raise the bar on expectations. It makes me want to run away into the hills. But then I'd be lonely. And cold. :)